Mr T calls Bangkok home, easy global access, an unholy quantity and variety of eateries and Thailand’s Uber equivalent, Grab, is a few bucks to get pretty much anywhere. 29 floors up in the middle of town is his rather smart Bangkok pad. Spare bedroom, don’t mind if we do.
Our early morning exit from Dee Why meant we didn’t change the new suitcase code thingy, so did that at check-in. Probably not super smart after a heap of beverages the night before! Arrive Bangkok looking for warm weather attire and the suitcase says no entry. Got through the first 300 options before grabbing a Grab to the American Tourister shop a few minutes away. Absolutely no idea how the chap opened the bag in less than a minute, even less of an idea how 624 was the solution! Headed down to the food court for a feed and a celebratory ale. Food courts in Bangkok malls are bonkers. None of the standard Maccas, Curry King, Kebab stuff. A heap of full on restaurants, bars and street foodie choices. Happily sat down and ordered some sort of spicy pasta number. Spicy? Holy sh!t! Around 1912, a bloke called Wilbur Scoville came up with a scale that indicates the impact that various chillies are likely to have on the tea towel holder in the morning. No such scale appears in any restaurant. In Thailand, none of the customary chilli emoji warnings, nor an indicator of how many dunny rolls to pop into the freezer. This could be an issue, my education continues.
Once the sphincter had returned to a normal temperature in the morning, it was time for a mooch about and check out a couple of pickleball venues. Pickleball that is rather than the somewhat stranger version of ping pong that Bangkok is better known for. Sterling sport and wellness was first up a few blocks away. Crikey! An ocean of air conditioned courts with a complex booking system and fees to match. “We can get you a slot next week”, Er, no. Benchakitti Park is about an hour’s hike away so off we trot. This place is municipal, rock up whenever you fancy a game, hop into the queue and join a couple of randoms on court for an hour, free! Lock this in.
Time for a feed and a slurp. A place called Cabbages and Condoms could be a tad dicey here but isn’t travel all about experiences? Let’s have a Squizzy. Prophylactics to my knowledge are not edible, even in Bangkok. Happy to find a rubber Johnny free menu, just mildly disturbed by all of the restaurant lights and fittings featuring several thousand of them in all possible colours. Latex and cabbage free lunch consumed and off we trot. Again, my edumacation continues.
Mr T treated us to a few of Bangkok’s finer establishments including a place with a pool above Ikea. Bit different to our local eateries in semi rural Queensland!
We left Mr T to attend to his emails early the next morning and headed out with Virin for a bit of a Market and Bangkok tour. Ended up with a swag bag full of duck, piggy bits and an inedible looking selection of sugar based items. Perfect Brekky!
Once the mountain of protein had stopped stretching the waistband, it was off to Pickleball just after midday. Loaded the camelback with 3 litres of iced water and grabbed a Grab. Just a few minutes after arrival, we are on court in 40 degrees with a couple of ladies. Our only compatible language was the game, pretty awesome. Next up, a couple of lads who gave us a serious workout for another hour. Had to escape to the bubbler for a refill at one stage. They wanted to go another hour, two and a half hours probably enough for us!
Had a trip out with Mr T and Verin to see the Royal Palace and a giant gold Buddha. Wow, another example of an entitled royal family living off hard earned cash!
Next up is the train to Kanchanaburi. Never heard of it, join the queue! The station to get there is in the middle of nowhere and guaranteed to be a nightmare journey in Bangkok traffic. Opted for the morning train and a pre dawn Grab to avoid the BS. Arrived a few hours early but turns out there is a food market at Thonburi. All manner of delicious stuff including frogs that looked somewhat toady, piggy bits including ears and hamptons, numerous swimmy things that should probably remain in the river. Opted for some pringles and bottled water!
Two and a half hours not nearly long enough through awesome countryside. Third class train seats give the glutes a workout, open windows add hot air and insects. Over too soon.
Arrival appears in an instant and you have about 12 seconds to whisk your oversized wheelie bag off the train before it heads off again. Normal service with the taxi mob resumes outside with a veritable hoard of highly honest looking humans wafting signs and destinations without prices. Maps says 12 mins walk, wheels on the baggies so off we go.
Naati Paradise is everything that booking dot com offered, 4th floor views over the river Kwai, pool, top notch Thai Brekky, bang in the middle of town. This is gunna be a tough few days.
Years ago, I saw a movie about The Bridge Over The River Kwai. The actual bridge is here, about 30 mins walk away. 100% not blown up and 100% a railway to nowhere. Total dead end rail track now, 100% tourist trap. Sucked in! Enjoyed a lager or two in the bar under the bridge and headed home. Home that is via another Scoville testing venue and a couple of coolers.
Home ran out of coolers and suitable nibbles, so I popped out for replenishments. Happily bumped into a private transfer lass on the way and was pretty happy with the quote for our troublesome journey to Hua Hin. Jackie less happy with said random lass texting and offering pick up services. Popped down in the morning and sorted the transfer and a driver to nip to the falls a couple of hours away. All good!
The Erawan Waterfall collection is pretty cool. Seven levels up stream with ever impressive watery stuff. Barge past the screaming, infant infested lower levels and head up the muddy incline. No dramas normally for us, a few more dramas with J4X sporting a pair of Noosa suitable thongs. Level seven is a couple of k’s up and the journey down with posh looking thongs even more fun than the way up. Completed the challenge and plonked ourselves into our transfer vehicle en route to the next Scoville challenge.
Scoville challenge declined, we have a 3 hour, car journey to Hua Hin in the morning. No need to add chilies to this. Our driver arrived a polite 5 minutes early in a comfy, spacious vehicle, wheelie bags stuffed into the oversized boot and off we go. Unreal to witness that a supposedly poor country has way better roads than Australia.
Hua Hin arrives after another way too short journey, our new pad has an unbelievable rooftop pool and easy access to nibbling venues before our 10pm train the next night. No shame in smashing out a feed or two. Other than a couple of well considered eateries, this place is sleazy AF. Way too many young girls in empty bars and massage joints open at 10pm doesn’t sit well with me. Ooh, that knot in my shoulder!
We are no strangers to long distance train or bus journeys. The general rule is pay the tiny amount of extra cash and go first class. Generally fu(k all first about first class, but heaps more comfy than saving a few bucks. The bunk beds on the overnight train with rock hard mattresses were a reminder of my army days. No alcoholic beverages sold or allowed on board so we didn’t sneak a six pack or two into our bags
Hid the empties, set a 5.15 alarm and curled up on the bottom bunk like a couple of cats! Surat Thani is still a couple more hours away from our jungle destination, happy to see a grinning driver holding a Paradise Resort board. The journey gets progressively bushier and greener, before we know it we arrive at the same time as the hotel staff setting up brekky. No brekky included for our first day and no hope of checking in until the afternoon. Mozzie spray applied and off we go then.
Found a pleasant enough looking place for a non Western morning feed, watching mischievous looking monkeys wandering along the power lines. Took a couple of hours giving the small town a once over before wandering back for check in. What a cracking place this is, a tree house in the middle of the jungle. Heaps of warning signs about not leaving anything on the balcony and locking all doors and windows to prevent our new primate friends from helping themselves to our stuff! Doors secured, mozzie nets closed, off for a long visit to the land of Nod.
Couldn’t resist a tubing session down the river. Unlike Laos, this one involves having a guide with you, no pit stop bars and no mud volleyball. Our guide copped a foot nibble part way down, needless to say, feet and private parts were treated to a dry journey from there. Monkeys doing monkey stuff on the banks, large, leave me alone sized snakes in the trees above. About an hour later, we arrive at the disembarkment area, happily with feet and private parts unmolested. Jackie highly entertained watching the bear trying to extract himself from the tube, not dissimilar to Neil The Seal in Tassie! Off for an overnight stay in floaty huts on a lake the next morning but couldn’t resist a few happy hour GnT’s. A few GnT’s whilst giving the foose table a workout that is! Just one more? Oh, go on then. Minibus arrives at 9.30 for the hour or so transfer to the lake. The lake is actually a big fu(k off reservoir 90 metres deep in places. The boat ride out to our accommodation is an hour long, not good with a small hangover. When we booked this little jaunt we asked the cheery tour lass if the accommodation in the picture was what we were getting. “Something similar”, was the answer. The boat slows down and comes to a stop at ‘something similar’. Oh dear! The floating huts have 4 walls, a roof and a door of some kind, that is where similar ends. They look like chicken coops, just big enough for a double mattress with a long, unstable trek to the dunny if you need to piss in the night. Fortunately, we coughed up the extra $$ for our own bathroom but the good news ended there. Bed was a nasty plastic something covered with a seedy looking sheet and some sort of fleece blanket. The pillow could never be used in friendly combat. The fan looked like it had seen better days and the gaps in the floor and walls were big enough to climb through, this could be a long night if the mozzies come hunting. The lake with its towering limestone cliffs, cave tour and jungle trek were next level epic, dinner was more than good enough, then the unavoidable reality of bedtime approaches. 30% DEET is strong enough to melt plastic, kinda hoping that a liberal spray discourages the airborne terrorists from draining our claret. Lights off, fan on. Choice of wrapping up in the fleece and boiling or risk attack. Wasn’t too bad until the generator switches off at midnight, killing all air movement and plunging the place into inky darkness. Then, that all too familiar high pitched whine kicks off. Ears, toes and any uncovered, unsprayed patches were relentlessly molested. It was honestly a relief when the alarm went off to catch our early morning safari boat. Pretty sure nobody had a wink of sleep. Most people’s phones are now dead or dying with not a single power point to be found. Left ours switched off overnight. Absolutely pissing with rain, the morning safari was terminated and we returned to the mosquito infested rabbit hutches for brekky. If a 1 inch thick slab of sickly sweet pancake dough is your thing, crack on. I was more tempted to have a bit of a discus throwing competition and feed the fish. Final lunch at the view point also rained off so ploughed through a plate of chewy noodles masquerading as pad thai. Back on the bus for the hour home, we were happily first off, said cheerio to our fellow victims and headed for a hot shower. Out for dinner and few slurps before returning to our mozzie proof heaven. Early start in the morning for the trip to Koh Samui.
