Blighty

Nine and a half months after leaving Oz, we head to the land of Brexit, grey skies, friends and family. This year however we arrived following a heat wave, bloody cold by the time we landed!!

First up Hels Bells. Actually, South African but we ignore that, it is always a pleasure for John and Helen to help us on our way to our next hangover. This is also Jackie’s old stomping ground, so Sam and Nic joined us for dinner and a tour of some old haunts…

Then all pile into a tiny mini for a nice delay on London’s finest 8 lane car park, the M25 round to Rayleigh in Essex to Nicole’s parents’ house and to meet Wilson!!!

Sir Wilson!!

Many thanks, Jo for the Sri Lanka help, although your drawing is somewhat suspect! Kandy or candy?

Time for a quick hop over the QE2 Bridge and a left turn to Charing in Kent for a few days to see the other Mrs O. Wonderful to see her happy with her new man, maybe church choir dating has some merit. Loved having an entire pantry and fridge full of yummies to play with xxx

Then a blast back up the M20 to Bromley for a couple of lemonades with the Benjamins. Love these family reunions, next one will be in Sydney for the wedding of the year!!!

The trusty Mini then stayed in the drive in Bromley under the careful watch of the Benjamin’s as we hopped on the train to the big smoke to visit my Aunty Carole in Fulham, collecting flowers and ‘Plant’ from the Sloaney Pony on the way!

Thanks Annabelle for my beautiful handmade card, I will treasure this.

Even managed to squeeze a cheeky lunch in with a couple of our yoga friends from Manly on their 2 year adventure, Dan and Amanda

Farewell Fulham and off to the Notting Hill Carnival and an old school friend of ours, MJ, and her boat, the Widgeon Theatre Boat. An 80 foot cargo barge that converts into an open air theatre or stage for bands. Sadly the weather Gods didn’t get their party invite and sent rain instead. Fortunately, Gawain and the MoonBears got their invites!

We waved farewell to MJ and headed down to Sam’s place in Clapham. A cheeky curry with Sam, Nic and a guest appearance by Ima and Dom from Jersey.

A spot of essential shopping, (Food mainly!), for Sam and a lovely evening with Alex and her Boyfriend, Josh.

No time to rest, we are Battersea bound to see Anita and her awesome pet shop/grooming business.

Into town to blow the froth off a couple with Billy Tilden and Dave Spence from school, followed by a last minute invite to dinner At Ottolenghi’s. Don’t mind if we do!

Back to Bromley to collect the Mini a quick coffe and plate of cheese then a dash around the M25 and up North to Peterborough. Dash? Petrol station first and couldn’t find the fuel cap release! No need for one of those, it is key operated! Ignition key? No! Bloody Germans! The fuel cap key is on the other side of London, in Hertfordshire! Watching the fuel mileage falling at an alarming rate was not part of our plans and a 5km queue for the Dartford Tunnel was unhelpful. Significant use of the left hand lane ensued and we spluttered to Cuffley with a few fumes left in the tank. Filler cap key in hand we headed North for a delayed arrival at the Holt’s. We needn’t have worried, there was no shortage of wine.

Always hilarious with these guys, they never miss an opportunity for a beverage or misbehavior. Turns out however that the murky green waters of the Rutland Water Aqua Park were a touch chilly for some! Just a shame that the cameras were not there to record the initial shock!

Liver starting to hurt now with a couple more stops to go!

Luckily for us, we don’t play Keeping up with the Jones’. Off to Buckinghamshire! Nothing flash about Chalfonts but a lawn large enough for an airfield and a house complete with full sized bar and cinema takes the pi$$. Personalised bathrobes anyone?

Utterly NO chance of drinking Helen and Graham’s bar remotely dry, so its off back to Cuffley to find fairer competition and our final UK stop.

Seems like Hels Bels had been doing some spring cleaning and came across some vintage fizz, marked, ‘Gerald, Do not touch’! We have never cellared wine but doubt that the attic is ideal for maturing South Africa’s finest! Never mind, best get a couple chilled down and crack the buggers open!

Company, utterly delightful. Contents of bottles, not so much! So many thank you’s for the hospitality, love and loan of the car xxx

So we bid a sad but exhausted farewell to Blighty and our dear friends and family. Aiming to return in 2021

Only fitting after such an awesome few weeks to enjoy the long flight to Singapore!

Sri Lanka next….

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Jersey

Mooo!

A trip to the U.K. wouldn’t be the same without visiting Jersey, my childhood island. Where my bestie Imogen and wonderful sister Emma live. Oh and my Father! But alas he chose to be in Sydney instead!!

This time was made even more special as my beautiful cousin and her son Tom flew over to spend precious time with us all.

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Ima had arranged for some old primary school friends to meet up the “WaterSplash” another old haunt.

 

Fun at the Zoo!! Gerald Durrell Zoo!

 

Not without drama however as Dad’s/Gerald’s car decided enough was enough and refused to move from St Ones Beach. Fortunately a few friendly locals with jump leads and a trip to the local automart saved the day!

Bear and I enjoying fish and chips down at Gorey Beach.

Lunching with kind Uncle Edward and the lovely Pam.

Enjoying family time at Emma and Chris’s, they always make us feel so at home and welcome. Love you xxx

 

Fun and limon cello with Elsa and Mike!

 

A visit is never complete without visiting my mum and smartening up her grave site with some love, and plants.

Bye till next time xxxx

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Portugal – Amarante

We discussed meeting up with the MoonBears way before leaving Oz. 9 months later They are in Portugal and we are back on the bus to make it happen. 1st stop Mateus House, home to funny looking wine bottles and flavorless contents! 15 Euros each entry, I don’t think so! The bottle label was as close as we got to the House or its watery excuse for wine.

Off to Amarante then to indulge in mountain cheese, cured meats, quail eggs and a refreshing beverage or two

Things now starting to get a bit fiesty on the weather front, maybe time for port tasting!

Guimaraes

Had to try the house speciality of salted cod or bacalhau, won’t be bothering with that again either! Have heard this described as prosciutto of the sea, no it isn’t! Prosciutto is delicious, this is not! It may be traditional but we have fridges and freezers these days that do a better job, cheaper and without threatening an imminent heart attack. Stacking a pile of chopped capsicums and onions on top doesn’t help either, why not whack on a handful of salted capers and anchovies to really upset your GP! When the menu said chips, I also wasn’t expecting a couple of handfuls of Walker’s finest, salted obviously. Great excuse to drink more beer and not much else. They also have a mushy paste version with potato, salted and deep fried. I can hear the ambulance approaching, steak please!

Getting hotter now so we made a few impromptu changes to the end of a hose pipe and rigged up our own sprinkler system!

Quick stomp around Porto before heading to the airport

Too much fun, too little time. Off to Jersey…

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Portugal – Fundao

After a quick overnight in Porto we jumped back onto the bus for a trip inland to FundAo, home to an old mate of mine and his Mrs. After our experience at the Namaste testicle molester village, the words ‘off grid’ held a certain amount of fear and trepidation for us! An incoming heatwave didn’t look much fun either! We needn’t have worried, River Farm is awesome. A work in progress, but already awesome. Solar panels and batteries provide ample power and a handy river complete with Roman wier for cooling the wedding tackle, washing etc. Veggies and salad from the garden whilst quails provide a steady flow of eggs and entertainment.

Doing our best to avoid the 30,000 soap dodgers attending Boom festival was easier said than done but a couple of trips to see some highlights was on the cards.

Monsanto is dubbed the most Portuguese town in Portugal. Not sure how that happened but houses with entire boulders as a roof and a fortress from the Knights Templar era tick a few boxes.

And a trip to Portugal’s only ski resort at Serra da Estrela. No sign of the chilly white stuff when we were there, just awesome views

And a rock called bear rock!

Oh, and a handy selection of shops selling cheeses and cured meats. Don’t mind if we do

Many thanks for the hangover and showing us your part of the world. See you again soon.

Amarante next….

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Hungary – Budapest

Budapest popped into the itinerary almost by accident. Portugal was next on the list but flights from any of the Balkan airports were crazy expensive! Wizz from Budapest to Porto was not much more than some of the bus rides we have been on. Off to Budapest then!

Segways are a hoot! Zipping around Budapest on Segways is not just an excellent means of transport, but a perfect opportunity for misbehavior! “Have you ever ridden a Segway?”, says the chirpy Irish lass touting for business. “No”, I said, climbing on board. “Just lean forward a little to move”. Wahay, as the Segway leaps forward like a startled cat. “Lean back to stop!”, I hear as my chariot heads towards the horizon. Turns out, these are not only very simple to ride but immense fun. Within a few short minutes, we are happily carving through unsuspecting pedestrians, (And cats!), and shoot over the Danube towards the cobbled streets up to the Palace. Buda and Pest are steeped in history but it didn’t take long before a fat bloke on horseback with a WW1 rifle told us to fuck off. Maybe the parliamentary building is more welcoming? Drag races in front of the fountains anyone? Less fat chaps on foot with very modern firearms seemingly disapproved of such behavior and encouraged our timely departure! Sadly our time limit draws to an end and we return to the office.

Time for a couple of refreshing beverages watching the sun set over the Danube and a bite to eat. Finding it hard to get any further than goulash on the menu, the question, “Do you like spicy?”, should always be answered with a degree of caution. A few decades of painful experience should assist most people when considering an answer to this simple question. Bolstered however by the quaffing of a few cold ones, “Spicy sounds great”, seemed like a perfectly sane answer! An innocent looking metal pot arrives at the table a short time later, together with a side serving of Mr Chilli and generous chunks of crusty bread. Be careful with that says our friendly waiter before trotting off back inside. Holy crap this is tasty are my thoughts as I absent mindedly dunk the bread into the chilli and follow up with a swift goulash, mouth combo. Moments later, the effect is about as subtle as a wasp sting and my mouth is assaulted by a blast of heat that would not disgrace Kim Jong Un’s latest creation. The Carolina Reaper springs to mind as my futile attempts to quench the fires of Hades with beer brings some relief but the heat is swiftly followed by pain. Dribbling as my tongue begins to swell up and threaten air intake, I begin to panic over possible permanent damage to the taste buds and losing the ability to speak! A visit to the ice bar to find a gay snowman and offer fallacio flashes through my mind.
Take it easy with the chilli I hear as the sweat threatens to form a small tidal wave on my head! No kidding, as I consider the impact of Wilbur Scoville’s measurement scale upon my starfish tomorrow morning. Trip to the thermal springs may be delayed!

Our friend Laszlo’s niece and husband live in Budapest so it would have been rude not to join them for a bite and some beverages

Many thanks guys, Portugal next…

 

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Serbia – Novi Sad

Novi Sad is probably best known for the 1999 NATO bombings and the ousting of the fat crook Slobodan Milosevic. Fast forward nearly 20 years, fatso is pushing up daisies, the refinery and bridges have been rebuilt and the annual Exit Festival is bigger and better than ever. Sadly for us, we were a day late to join in the fun and unlikely to have had the stamina/chemicals to reach the 6am finish time!

Small enough to walk around, parts of the City are postcard pretty

Eating fish from a muddy river was never going to be a Michelin star experience. Sure enough, carp tasted just like the water it lives in! Mushy and muddy, not recommended! Jax on the other hand had a fish stew that was awesome, if they left out the mushy, muddy stuff it could be perfect!

Off to Budapest next…

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Serbia – Belgrade

So! After the nightmare of the Namaste Nature/Mosquito/Soap dodger village, we head to Belgrade. Holy crap we could have walked faster! Heading to a town called Topcider was always going to be exciting for fans of the apple beverage, the slurp monster wakes up further as we pass orchards of apples on the way. Sadly, some dickhead has decided that the train from Montenegro should not make it to Belgrade! Topcider is shit! Nothing top! No bar, no cider, not even an ATM. Just a crappy corner store and a tram stop, not much use with only a few Euros lining the pockets! Cab it is then as we palmed him off with our remaining Euros and were dropped off at our address.

Belgrade seems to have recovered from the grubbiness of the 90’s and is now peaceful with a pleasant lack of tourists.

Lovely intimate dinner with our new best friends! Pork stuffed with cheese, breadcrumbed and deep fried is a speciality here, won’t be sampling it again!

Throughout the Balkans rakia fruit brandy is ever popular. Our walking tour guide in the morning fished out a delicious honey number so we decided to sample a few more on the way home! Raspberry, Hazelnut, Quince, Plum and a couple of others. Raspberry was almost drinkable with the sugar hiding the worst of it, the rest just got worse as we shuffled down the line to the next throat burn experience! Finished with a few more raspberry numbers and staggered home!

Off to Novi Sad next

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Montenegro – Budva and Bar

Thought that a party town might be a fun place to watch the England vs Croatia semi final! It was! However, given the result and the fact that Budva seems to be the place to be for all manner of fat, sweaty Eastern Europeans and Russians, it probably should remain unexplored! Music blares until 2am until the Rajika and Vodka slurping wobblebottoms finally pass out!

Losing the will to live now, it is nearly mid July and definitely time to get away from all things coastal! Albania was possibly next, but time to head inland! No thanks to the rudest, most unhelpful specimens masquerading as bus station staff, we head to Bar where we can take a train to Serbia. How bad can one more night near the coast be?

Booking into the Namaste Nature Village was always always a risk! The prospect of an evening/night with a bunch of new age alternatives listening to whale sounds over a quiet bong is not really our scene.

We picked the place on its proximity to the station and ability to dump our bags early. Things looked hopeful as we were collected from the station by a suitably bearded, baggy trouser wearing sort who cheerfully took us to the shiny new building in the booking.com photo! Things head South as he took us straight past the shiny building to the hippie commune a few gates further down. Welcome to our village he says as a large doberman shoves its nose into my bollocks! I am not a fan of dogs and less of a fan of having my ball bag explored by a 40+ kilo number! Also not a collosal fan of the clouds of mosquitoes that immediately began to drain me of several pints of claret. Tea he asks cheerfully? Yes please if it is laced with VEET or DDT! Meanwhile, the hound of Baskerville has found a new burst of energy and has renewed it’s assault on the meat and two veg with disturbing vigour! Come, I’ll show you to your room he continues. the kitchen was shared but happy that we had our own bathroom. Own bathroom shared with the rest of the commune, that is, together with a bath full of laundry and a toilet that threatened to fall over with each precarious use. An extension lead under the door brought power, (And mosquitoes), into the room where a dim light showed our new home in all its glory. Photos speak louder than words…

Light unplugged and replaced with an anti mozzie number that was in my bag. Beginning to show symptoms of hemorrhagic shock from the relentless mosquito attack and not keen on any further dog/crotch encounters, we close the door and head off to find a supermarket and a watering hole. Fortunately, Bar has a few bars so we blew the froth off a couple whilst considering our predicament

Ever the optimist, Jax decides that we should cook dinner for Leaf and our new dreadlock wearing best friends. Lentils and quinoa hashcakes anyone? Dinner it was then!

A small commune of well fed hippies then proceeded to get stuck into to the whacky baccy and we sloped off to bed after a few Cab Savs!

Fortunately, Mr Raid kept the airborne terrorists at bay and we said an early morning farewell to Namaste Nature Village and the testicle molesting doberman!

12 hours on the train flew past as our 21 journey through the scenic countryside took us into Serbia.

Topcider was our final stop and not a drop in sight! We arrived at our Belgrade apartment around 9.30.

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Montenegro – Kotor

Somehow, England are still in the World Cup and the knocking out of a mob that brought us Abba, Ikea and meatballs sends the POMs into delirious overdrive. The sounds of “It’s comin’ ‘ome” echo late into the night! Bit of a slow start the next day, opted to delay our climb up to the fortress by 24 hours!

Kotor is stunning! Wedged between mountains in the far corner of the bay, ancient fortress walls climb into the distance. The old town is literally a medieval maze that is home to more stray cats than people.

Sunset view from our balcony not too shabby either

Off to the party town of Budva next…

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Croatia – Zagreb, Split and Dubrovnik

Having never been to this part of the world, there were a few places that had to be checked out! Turns out however, that a few thousand other people had the same idea! Prices are off the scale for everything and crowds that would not disgrace a Royal Wedding! Zagreb not horrendously busy unless you approach anywhere with history or a view! The mere sight of a crumbling brick attracts armies of Asians wielding selfie-sticks like Samurai swords! Bad weather helps as standard poncho length restricts their mobility!

Found some bears along the way including one in an iron maiden in the torture museum!

The port towns of Split and Dubrovnik were next on the agenda. Perfect timing to join a few thousand people piling off cruise ships and half of Europe’s tour bus fleet! The Terracotta Army would be utterly swamped by the daily tsunami of bodies that flood into these ancient Cities. Fortunately the tide turns every afternoon and the floods subside!

There is never a bad time for G & T’s when they are this good

Fortunately, our apartment was well enough away from from the selfie stick set. Even with its tiny bath!

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Dubrovnik old town is stunning. We happened to coincide our arrival with Nicole’s parents. Beers and noise ensued

Once the cruise boats leave in the afternoon and the daily, dickhead express departs, walking the city walls and climbing the ancient fort are a must for views and sheer pleasure.

A night or two here is probably plenty for most, although pointing out where Jon Snow took a dump to the endless groups of nerds on Game of Thrones Tours did have its moments! We took a day trip OUT of Dubrovnik on our last day. Cavtat is a small harbour town about an hour away by bus. Better still, take a boat

We decided to chuck the Croatian towel into the ring at this stage and jumped on a bus to Montenegro…

 

 

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