The Mrs wafted into Aldi a couple of months ago and noticed some ridiculously cheap ski gear. Neither of us have seen snow for 25 years, let alone entertained the idea of a holiday involving trying to stay warm! Never afraid of a challenge, two sets of gear came home in outsized bags before being swiftly despatched to the store room downstairs. The seed however was sown.
Sorry, but Aussie skiing is overpriced, overcrowded, super short runs and sh!t. Checked out a bunch of other options before having a peek at NZ and Japan. One of these destinations appears to cater for outdoor activities in general, the other seems to involve school age chicks in underwear. Took the obvious choice and headed for fun and games.
So we look South at NZ and booked a flight. Aldi gear packed with a whole bunch of hand and feet warmers.
Not enormously happy with an early start, or the refusal of our pathetic $300 offer for upgrades to wanky class, so bugger it and off we trot. If you have to fly in the back of the plane, do it with the rat on the tail, we have a few thousand skydives between us, none of which have involved comfy seats so Qantas economy is fine for the three hour hop.
Holy fu(k! The flight path in is awesome, Bundy where are you? Mountains avoided, this is a display of pilot training and rocky stuff avoided.
Less than a couple of hours later we land in our penthouse pad. Fu(k me, no time for chilling out or getting on the piss, need to sort out our boots, ski bits and transfers. The InfoandSnow mob fixed up the transport up the mountain and the ease of collecting our gear upstairs. Nothing fun about carrying skis and boots!
So maybe time for a nibble and a beverage or two? This place truly is an adult playground with unlimited eateries and liquid refreshment options, bloody oath, let’s play. Headed down to the lake and got stuck into the local ale and fermented grape juice selection, don’t mind if we do. Peckish after such an exhausting morning and a few slurps, seafood chowder and some sort of risotto thingy put the hungry monsters to sleep for long enough to check out a few more purveyors of beverages. Couldn’t find a kebab so somewhat predictably we ended up in an Irish pub for nachos and a couple of pints before the relatively short stagger home.
5.30am alarms are never fun, 5.30am alarms with a slightly sore head are significantly less fun. Self inflicted injuries aside, we donned our posh Aldi gear, oversized Temu ski goggles and a pocket full of hand warmer thingys before tackling the six minute walk to the bus stop. “Bear and Jackie?”, that’s us, off we go.
The last time J4x strapped skis on, Sammy was happily becoming Sammy in his first trimester. For me, 25 years ago that ended with a fifty cent sized piece of shoulder bone dislodged after an unwise high speed descent! What could possibly go wrong? Unusually sensible, we booked into our second ever ski lesson, collected a very child like length of skis and headed out to the chilly white stuff. Heading up the ‘magic carpet’ chairlift to the top of the beginners zone, I was quietly crapping myself. The aftermath of ales, chilli nachos and memories of missing shoulder bits didn’t help. Holy crap! Back on the slope, I am Franz Klammer again, can’t fu(king believe it! J4x adapts quickly without the worry of an unborn child and off we go. The lesson resumed after lunch and off we went to the adult lifts. Unreal experience and maximum grin factor all round. Popped into a couple of bars and an Italian for a feed and relatively early bed.
Slightly sore legs and head the next morning we headed up the gondola behind us for a few laps down the luge track and epic views over this awesome town. Checked into the Botswana Butchery for a feed and relatively early bed. Back on the slopes tomorrow.
No faffing about with lessons today, quick run up the magic carpets to the top of the kiddy run then a gentle leg warmer down to the chair lift and off to the serious stuff. Have to admit that AU$250 worth of Aldi ski gear is next level awesome, windy AF on the chairlifts without a shiver. I have never been surprised at how awesome Jackie actually is, back on the slopes like she was born there, looking and generally being fu(king awesome. Ended the day with a blast down the longest run on the mountain. Weather looking generally shit tomorrow so heading down another path.
We have met a few swingers in our time, names obviously unmentioned but sharing is not really our gig. Here we are in an adult playground and swinging seems to be popular. This variety involves a very unsexy bondage harness and fully clothed misbehaviour. Jump onto a swing seat with the Mrs and hope for the best. “Do you want a countdown or a surprise?” says our cheery operator. Countdown please! 5,4 then 321 in unintelligible speed! Click! Fu(k! Back in free fall together, this time seriously considering how sensible the double burger and cheese from Fergburger was and the potential impact on the underpants. The downy down bit then morphs into a graceful arc way over the massive canyon, holy sh!t this is awesome. Judging by the pictures, this looks like my idea, no! JT suggested and orchestrated this lunacy. Seems like the grim reaper has missed us once again. That is a wrap!
Off wine tasting tomorrow!
