Richard Branson sensibly decided that taking billion dollar vessels through a war zone to get to Oz might increase the insurance premiums a touch. Tassie cruise idea binned but the same boat now plies its trade around Europe. Sound like an awesome excuse to jump on a plane…
First stop, Essex. Home of Sam and Nicole. No excuse required to enjoy our time here, but the trip conveniently included Sam’s Birthday. Whacked a few chooks onto the BBQ, aided and abetted by the Essex Clan. Great opportunity to meet up with these wonderful characters before next year’s wedding in Bali. Can’t wait!
We have never been to Saaaarfend so Sam and Nic convinced us that a wander down the pier and some fish and chips would be fun. Southend Pier is a fucking monster, sticking out a mile or so into the Thames Estuary. It even has its own train line for people too lazy to walk. We took the 50:50 option, walked out:train back. Pretty cool actually, whilst working up a fish and chip appetite. Looking down the seafront offers a wide variety of hospitality venues, all of them with identical menus! Picked the least tacky version and contemplated our orders. Oh, 4 fish and chips please! This part of the world isn’t exactly known for its cuisine, so anything that can’t be deep fried is a bit of a special item. Tums rumbling louder now, that ‘special item’ request is causing the kitchen a few dramas. Having your fish ‘grilled’ rather than covered in batter and dunked in the boiling, artery clogging oil was clearly a complex task. Holy crap, we could have caught, cleaned, filleted, cooked and eaten this bloody thing in the time it took for them to work out how to work the grill! Maybe the left over batter on Jax’s plate had gone through some cleansing process before Sam smashed it out anyway! Fish and Chips by the sea is generally awesome, this was no exception. Off to to the amusement arcade for a few giggles. Plenty of old favourites in here, Outrun, Pacman and an unholy selection of throwy, shooty stuff. 20 quids worth of tokens used up, back to Leigh on Sea. Off to the Big Smoke to find Hazza and Jazza next
We had found ourselves a luxury apartment in Mile End that looked nice and close to the station and a piece of piss for getting in and out of town. Luxury for most of includes things like flying business class, fine dining and top notch accommodation. Luxury for the bellend that owns this place, maybe! Maybe he just missed out the word ‘student’ in the title, and clearly hasn’t updated the shiny photos from a few years ago. Shitty couch sitting on a rug that had consumed too much lager with a sticky up corner waving “Help me!”. Solitary fan in bits on the floor, air con fucked, (Yes, it was warm and opening windows on Mile End Road is not an option!). Naked lightbulbs producing a level of light that an iPhone would be ashamed of and ‘hot’ water that was either tepid or ball bag boiling depending on its mood. Fuck it, off to Wetherspoons in Canary Wharf for a couple of cheery uppers!
Met Hazza in her Brick Lane pad before a gentle amble down Brick Lane and the obligatory salt-beef bagel. “Mustard and pickles Sir?”, “Absolutely!”. More eating and general wafting around Spitalfield Markets. A few more feeds including the mother of all Turkish feasts in Mile End. Lunch with the Benjo’s. A cheeky school reunion in Covent Garden’s Lamb and Flag. Then bye bye to the ‘luxury’ student digs and off to Kent to see Mum and Roy.
Next stop, Jackie’s fabulous bestie from Jersey, Ima together with her new beau, Terry. Decided against the trek over the Channel to Jersey and jumped onto a train to Brockenhurst in the New Forest. Cue the predictable, reunion shenanigans in this awesome rural setting. Forest Park County Hotel is pretty fricken awesome too. Somehow managed to avoid any horse based activities and went for horsepower instead. Enough to hustle a few go karts around South Coast Karting’s cheeky outdoor track. Too much fun. Sadly our few days with Ima and Terry come to an end and it’s off to Portsmouth with Hells Bells who kindly offered to collect us! Don’t mind if we do!
Any visit to the House of Hells Bells starts with a Gin and Tonic. The rest is generally predictable and always a hoot. Managed to take over the kitchen for the evening and somehow ended up in our cruise party gear again! Early start in the morning for the shuffle to Portsmouth and our boat. Non starting cars are never funny. Non starting cars when you are aiming to jump on a big boat that will happily leave without you are especially not funny. Uber requested, bags unloaded and we are off….
